TW: abusive relationship, rape, disability
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February to May 2017 I was in an abusive relationship. I have been relentlessly disabled with severe complex rape PTSD from this interaction. I would like to share my experience, resulting disability, and some helpful advice for university:
February to May 2017 I was in a relationship
He was 16, and I was 17
I had my first sexual intercourse with him
Let me rephrase, my first time was rape
But that was not everything.
“Why does your face look like that?”
“Don’t dress like that, everyone will see you’re ugly”
“Who are you meeting? I will come with you to make sure”
“Smoke some weed with me, or you won’t get outside today”
“Look, you aren’t good enough”
He was a climber in national competitions
But he also went to the gym everyday
And he was learning calisthenics
I was punched and kicked frequently
Powerless, helpless, vulnerable
He would pick me back up only to beat me down again.
May 2017, he raped me, I got away from him
First thing I did was tell my ‘best friend’
Who went and told everyone I was lying
Rumours went around that I was a desperate liar
I got death threats if I told the police
Too scared to do anything, I isolated myself for two years.
Starting university was really intimidating
My first term was awful because I got raped again
Didn’t notice my first friends had bad intentions
I became suspicious of everyone, and lost my boundaries
Couldn’t be by myself because of the intrusive thoughts.
Contacting It Happens Here was the best thing I did
Painting, drawing, creatively writing my hurt helps me too
I now get medical help for my severe complex rape PTSD
Warwick FIT Society took me in as one of their own
Things are looking a lot brighter than before.
I still need to re-establish my key values and boundaries
I keep putting myself in danger, so I could be raped yet again
But I am extremely grateful there is now so much help
I am so much more hopeful than ever before.
---- Annelise Hill, Guest Blogger
