My boyfriend and I started dating the March before uni started for me. So many people always told me that when I went to uni, the distance would be really tough. Although we’re only an hour away when I'm at uni, it was the two completely different lifestyles that has sometimes made it more complicated. He works full-time from early in the morning, has to go to sleep earlier at night to compensate, and often did things in the evenings. In contrast, I would be going to pres, going out most nights, and waking up just in time for lectures!
Focus on communication.
Whilst you’re living apart, it’s really important to keep communicating. Normally, when you’re unhappy with the way things are going, you can have a proper chat about it. After a bad day, you can have a hug. When you’re living long-distanced, issues can seem much bigger. I know friends who Facetime regularly, studying together or just going about their normal life with someone on camera. For us, he would phone me on the way home from work, and we would keep each other updated throughout the day.
It can be difficult getting into a new routine: when you’re used used to seeing each other all the time, FaceTiming on weekends can seem like a big step back. If you need more or less, ask them for it: it’s about getting comfortable with communicating with someone who’s not right in front of you all the time.
Try to blend your worlds.
After three weeks, my boyfriend came and visited me at uni. I needed time to settle in before seeing him, but at the same time, for me I needed to introduce him to my flatmates, friends, and the people I knew as my family away from family. For him, I’m pretty sure it was much more comforting to know who I was with – not in a jealous way – but being able to picture the scene, and having spent time with them, he understood my stories and new life way better.
Make time.
It’s really easy to get caught up in uni life, or for your partner to get caught up in what’s going on back home. Our biggest issues were always when we both felt more distant from each other, and unable to connect properly. It’s really important that you both have your own lives, but also that you make time for each other.
Plan dates to visit one another, what things to do together, what you want to do during the day or evenings: it makes it more exciting and something to look forward to. If you’re too far away to see each other regularly, make virtual dates. We’re all much more used to Facetime than we were 18 months ago, and although it’s not the same, it helps you feel more connected and as though you’re seeing them in real life! I know friends who did this and both ordered UberEats from the same restaurants, different branches!
Believe in it.
Lots of people are told that their relationships will never work. So much so, I know a lot of people who broke off their relationships before coming to uni, because they doubted themselves from what other people had told them. Some of them are glad, others got back together, and some people really missed their ex. I definitely was not planning on coming to university with a boyfriend, but two and a half years later, I haven’t regretted it even slightly. If you’re both happy, and both willing to put the effort in, there’s no reason that your relationship won't work long-distance. Warwick only has 10-week terms, and a lot of courses have reading weeks!
The cliché phrase is: if it’s meant to be, it will be. Why wouldn’t it apply to this?
---- Mary Collingridge, Women’s Officer
