TW: Rape, sexual assault, sexual violence.
Consent is a concept that really shouldn’t be a grey area, but seems to become one. Particularly in university, the freedom of being able to do what you like, when you like, for the first time is something which can lead to incredibly scary scenarios, which haunt people forever.
Often, people view having a conversation surrounding exactly what they’re consenting to awkward. This may be the case, but every single sexual act must be consented to directly. Every time the physicality shifts, you need to get permission.
Most of us have had discussions concerning consent at school, but perhaps a refresher is what some people need to feel more certain about when someone coming home with you from a night-out, someone you have been with for years, or someone who you don’t know very well, is consenting, and when they are definitely not.
Freedom to consent.
Freedom to consent is vital. Participants must freely engage in a sexual act. Therefore, where someone is forcing another to engage: this is not consent. Where someone is guilt-tripping someone: this is not consent.
This extends further though. It is important to understand whether another person has certain power over another, which means the dynamic is more one-sided, and may be harder to say no to. Therefore, the main rule is that no one should feel pressured to engage in a sexual act: it must be completely their own choice.
Capacity to consent.
Consent cannot be given where an individual is unable to consent. If someone is so drunk that they are unable to communicate, are lacking control over their movements or seem unaware of their surroundings, they do not have the capacity to consent. If someone is sober, calm and able to make an informed decision, they are able to consent. If you are unsure whether they are capable of consenting, do not risk it. It is never worth the risk to compromise someone else’s consent.
Just because you can drink multiple shots and pints throughout the evening and have the capacity to consent does not mean someone else can. Just because someone else you have been with before was able to consent, does not mean this individual can. Just because this individual has drunk more than this before and been fine, does not mean they are now.
Presence of consent.
Consent is not forever. It can be withdrawn at any time. It must be enthusiastic. It must not be based off of previous experiences. It must be ongoing throughout. It must be clearly communicated. Therefore, if you change what you are doing, if your partner seems less keen than before, if they are avoiding eye contact or not speaking – do not carry on. This is the time to check in, and make sure they are consenting.
Warwick Support and Report suggested these phrases promote consent…
Yes
I’m sure
I know
Don’t stop
I want you
I’m not worried
Can you please do that
That feels good
I want to keep doing this
Direct eye contact
Pulling someone closer
Open body language
… and these do not:
No
I’m not sure
I don’t know
Stop
I want to but…
I feel worried
That hurts
Maybe
Not right now
I’m not sure I want this
Indirect eye contact
Pushing someone away
Closed body language
Silence
At the end of the day, an awkward question is not going to harm you. Performing unconsensual sexual acts will, and it is likely to cause severe trauma for the other individual. If you’re unable to have one conversation to make sure someone else is comfortable, then you really should not be engaging in sexual acts anyway. It is the absolute basics to ensuring another human being does not feel uncomfortable, pressured, or in fear.
---- Mary Collingridge (Women’s Officer)
Information provided from Warwick Report and Support: 24/09/2021
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