TW: Suicide, Depression, Anxiety
Men’s mental health is something that’s almost always only considered in the abstract. Yes, in recent years there has been far greater attention paid to the mental health struggles that so many men face - but this is all too often through the medium of faceless statistics, and bland appeals to “talk about it”. Of course more needs to be done, and acknowledging that suicide is the biggest killer of young men in the U.K. does help to ensure that people understand just how bad things are for so many; however what remains sorely lacking is a cultural shift that makes men feel genuinely comfortable speaking about how they’re feeling.
Regretfully our society still teaches men that they ought to be stoic and silent in the face of adversity, that having a stiff upper lip is somehow virtuous. This is something that can only be changed in the long term, and for as long as that’s the case, Instagram infographics saying it’s ok for boys to cry just won’t be enough to help most struggling men.
As a History and Politics student, I am not professionally qualified to give advice about ways to help men deal with mental health issues, however I can speak about my own experiences - specifically how people have helped me to get through the rough patches I’ve faced since coming to university.
The transition to independence at uni (during a global pandemic) is a significant and disruptive event. Personally I found that many of the coping mechanisms that had previously enabled me to function at home were no longer able to keep bouts of anxiety and depression at bay. Losing my usual routines as well as the help of my mum’s presence meant that what had previously manifested as an occasional down day became extended periods without the motivation to cook, clean or even participate in my degree. The only way I managed to escape these spirals was with the help of some particularly attentive and supportive friends - friends who offered the kind of support that a lot of guys need but are unwilling to ask for.
I’ll freely admit that like too many other men, when I’m asked if I’m ok, or how I’m doing I’m far more likely to lie than to say I’m struggling - regardless of how close I am to the person asking. The people willing to ask the question again, to broach subjects they know are on my mind, or to repeatedly remind me that they’re there to support me are the ones that have had the most success in helping me to process emotions that I’ve been struggling with. Gestures like offering to cook or study together have the power to make life far easier for someone in a bad place. Going just one step further than asking how someone is sounds simple, but can make a huge difference to people that have grown up in a world which insists that they should solve problems for themselves.
The TL;DR of this blog is that if you want to try and do more to support the mental health of men in your life, just asking one more question or performing a small task for them when they’re struggling can make a real difference. It is of course also worth acknowledging that for some men that won’t be enough - another crucial thing you can do is to encourage guys to seek professional help or support, something which remains a pretty big taboo. I also feel it’s important to add that being there for someone should never mean sacrificing your own wellbeing.
Although this post has focused on men’s mental health, none of the problems I’ve written about or suggestions I’ve made are exclusive to men; I hope that, if nothing else, this blog has encouraged you to believe that you genuinely can make a difference to your friends’ mental health.
---- Caleb Avis, Men’s Officer
