TW: mentioning of abuse.
When the concept of toxic masculinity is brought up by activists, feminist groups, or women in general there’s often a tendency towards dismissal. A lot of men may scoff at the term without thinking about their own experiences with it, and much of this is probably because they’re not fully recognising what people mean when they say toxic masculinity. Often taken as a critique of all men in general, or of interests and hobbies that men might enjoy - toxic masculinity refers to nothing of the sort. It’s up to advocates of a more progressive society to explain toxic masculinity for what it is, the most negative aspect in men’s social lives. When presented as the thing that makes it hard to talk about your relationship without getting called a “simp”, or the influence that encourages mates to belittle each other’s talents and achievements, toxic masculinity is far easier to gather opposition to.
Toxic masculinity is bad for everyone. It creates the exact same environments which lead some men to believe they have a right to mistreat women, and others to believe they’re not allowed to talk about their feelings. These environments make society less safe, in many cases physically for those on the outside but emotionally and psychologically for those inside such toxic social circles.
Essentially toxic masculinity is not a problem for one man to tackle alone, just as it’s not a problem that affects one man alone. Rather, everyone has a role to play in calling out the individual actions that create the misguided ideals of masculinity persisting in the modern world. The first part of doing this is simple and well-known: be the guy to say that rape jokes aren’t funny, be the guy to offer support to a friend in a bad place, be the guy to be happy for his friends when they succeed.
The second element of fighting toxic masculinity is much harder, and it’s why this blog is called “talking to people about”. In order to combat the impact that toxic masculinity has on both individuals and communities, people have got to start challenging the assumptions about manhood that have been forced upon us by outdated attitudes in our cultural and media spaces. Men have to unlearn the ideas about stoicism and ”manning up” that create so much emotional stunting - beyond that we have to explain to others the harmful impacts of them not doing the same. Every man on earth learning there’s no shame in expressing their emotions would have no long-term impact if much of the next generation of boys still have their mothers tell them not to “cry like a girl”. It isn’t just for men to challenge toxic masculinity in themselves and those around them.
Ultimately we need to talk more about how our own words and deeds can impose toxic masculinity on the people around us, and about how toxic masculinity can only be overcome with a collective effort. If we move the discussion beyond how we can work on ourselves, and onto how we can help others then there’s a real chance of change. Toxic masculinity impacts us all, and it’s up to everyone to help fight it.
---- Men's Officer, Caleb Avis
