TW: Homophobia.
Hello! My name is Vandit and I’m going into my second year as a law student at Warwick. Last year was the first time I travelled outside my home in India and I was quite excited about coming to the UK and get that cultural shock Warwick vloggers so often talked about in their YouTube videos. Homosexuality was a criminal offence ( a colonial era law) in my country which was popularly called as the Section 377 of Indian Constitution. I didn't know anything about section 377 until it got decriminalised two years ago. I wasn’t even aware that being homosexual was criminal. But it was never the law that scrutinised us, it was the social outlook. I just knew that in Agra, where I come from, I would never be allowed to live as a gay man, it would be a social suicide. For the last 18 years, I’ve been masquerading as a straight man and i’d like to think I’m pretty good at blending in. Expressions of homophobia were branded as a humorous banter at my school, as they were at most Indian schools. The phrases "chakka," "fag," and "gay boy" are common playground insults that can have a long-term effect whilst growing up. Fortunately, I was never bullied at school for being gay as I was able to disguise it. I scrutinised my appearance, my speech, and even my demeanour. I closely watched my actions to see if anyone could tell I wasn't heterosexual.
University made me see things differently. There is so much power in anonymity, and for me, this was a time to explore what it means to be a gay man in broad daylight, and who I want to be after the dust has settled. The repressed persistent concern of how people abroad might react to my intersecting identities of race, gender, and sexual orientation hindered me from exploring a foreign country, such as the UK. Coming to a place where no one knew who you were, on the other hand, was a fantastic opportunity for me to cast away the legacy of gay shame behind me. To unlearn it, in some sense. It made me see how other people treat those who are different. The experience has been positive. On a nights out or on the breakfast table, no-one cared whether you brought a boyfriend or a girlfriend with you. You were just part of the occasion and everyone was welcomed.
When I was preparing to arrive, Warwick did not provide any information specifically for LGBTQ students. However, they were extremely willing to provide support once I asked for it later, half a year into my university life. More than often, there are people on the staff who have specific advice or resources for LGBT, but only do so when approached directly. If you are in two minds about the inclusiveness or sensitivity of your study abroad/ International student’s office, I'd recommend checking with Warwick Wellbeing or community LGBT center for advice. Odds are they would have the inside scoop on the environment at the administration level.
I came out to my flatmates in late term 1 on a very drunk night (typical) in Whitefields. It's a mistake to believe that coming out is a once-in-a-lifetime event, like walking through a closet door. I am frequently confronted with moments and situations in which I must choose between disclosing, ‘coming out,' and being completely honest, or covering, lying, and omitting. Assumptions of hetero-normatitivity are the most common source of these events. I'm left speechless when an Uber driver asks whether I'm heading to my girlfriend's house; I want to correct "girlfriend" to "boyfriend," but I'm frightened of being confined in a car with his reaction, which could range from repulsion to voyeuristic intrigue to violence. Rather, I laugh, nod and stay quiet. It would certainly be easier – no invasive interrogations, no ‘making a scene’ by mentioning my queerness, no fear. Is there anything that I lose out on by staying silent? The answer is: The ability to let those I love truly know me. The knowledge that those who love me do so truthfully and fully. My community. My identity. Myself.
Because LGBTQ life has been legal in England for so long, there isn't the same push here to identify as LGBTQ and struggle for rights as there is in India. Queer people are likely to have the same standard of living as straight people. Nonetheless, it's difficult to ignore the internal pull I feel to fight for queer rights. I find myself in a constant effort to normalise queerness whenever I attend a pride gathering or social. I had to learn that this wasn’t my time to struggle or fight, it was a time to breathe, and to bask in the glory of acceptance.
Warwick has brought me some unbelievably validating experiences, as well as a few that I wish went better. There have been numerous instances where I thought I didn’t fit in or was stereotyped for being gay by people around, sometimes unwittingly. But a big cheers to all my friends who were constantly there for me, sometimes even at 3 in the morning when I got this intense urge to talk and unravel what’s going on in my head. One year in, I probably wouldn’t want to trade my life for anything at all. Being gay is a “levitating” experience, it’s as if the music doesn’t ever stop once you own up to it and eventually start enjoying life more and more. It’s important to surround yourself with the people you feel secure with and fitting in is probably the saddest thing to do when you’re at uni. Be different and flaunt your differences. Celebrate it. Much love to everyone :)
---- Vandit Khandelwal, Guest Blogger (PLAN Society)
