TW: discussions surrounding anxiety, mental health disorders, being sick.
I’ve always been incredibly anxious. Since I can remember, I’ve evaluated every single decision: if I do this, what is the worst possible outcome? Is it worth it? Since I was in Year 10, I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety. Without any reason, I got so anxious that I couldn't breathe, I felt nauseous and was very often sick. For a year, I worked in counselling to rationalise my thought-processes, looking for realistic outcomes, rather than the worst.
By the time I went to uni, the bulk of my anxiety was under control when I was surrounded by those who understood what I was going through. I was in a good position to start uni, but I was petrified of being alone without my support group of friends and family nearby. I knew I would have to be much more independent in managing my panic attacks, and learn new things about my anxious self along the way.
So, when I came to uni, I resolved to hide my anxiety as best as possible, cope alone and act as though everything was always okay.
1. Learn from this mistake.
Anxiety, along with most other mental health disorders, doesn't just go away. Along with many other conditions, both physical and mental, it really helps if you can talk about it with someone. I've never been someone who wanted to constantly talk about what was going on in my head, but even knowing that I could sit with someone and mention I felt anxious and didn't want to talk about it helped me feel calmer, less alone.
Thankfully, I was lucky enough to have my best friend from school living an accommodation block away from me. I distinctly remember sitting with her one evening, and just knowing she understood and wasn't going to ask about it, but was happy to sit there watching Love Island was really comforting.
Don't bar yourself off from telling people. Let people in when the time is right. Allow yourself to be the true you in front of those who care. Even if you just discuss it in minor detail, you're opening up to someone who can later better support you.
2. Open up when you feel it's right.
I eventually realised that this support group was much more important than my facade I attempted to put up. One by one, I let my closest friends know how anxious I sometimes felt, and how it used to be, and what I was so worried about returning to. I didn't tell them in a super serious way, usually over some drinks, just dropped into conversation. It wasn't really that big a deal, and the more I did it, the less I cared about letting them know (I'm literally writing numerous blogs about it now!) but it still made me feel more comfortable.
One friend who I (sort of) lived with in first year, I only told in second year, because it never seemed the right sort of time, and I didn't feel I needed to tell her. I definitely could have done, had I felt it was the best thing to do, but by that time I had enough support!
3. It's much more common than you realise.
Going to university broadens your horizons on all the people that you never thought you'd meet. You meet so many more people who are just like you in many ways. The number of people, therefore, who have been through similar things as you, or know other people who have, is so much higher. Not only does this normalise it more, but so many more people have experience in what you're feeling, which for me was really comforting.
Even this year, I was chatting to a couple of girls I'd recently met, and a couple I'd known all my time at Warwick, and we mentioned all having varying degrees of anxiety. It sounds weird but it was comforting knowing I wasn't alone in how I sometimes felt, andt is actually quite common.
4. You're not alone.
Whether you feel you need to cope alone, or you feel alone in having anxiety, both are not true!
I felt that I wanted to cope alone, but honestly, opening up to even one person, to help you feel more comfortable, secure and safe can make such a big impact! With everyone becoming more aware of mental health, most people are much more accepting, and the difference from telling people at school, in contrast to telling people at uni was insane - particularly considering it was just a few months between them. You'll know who you can trust and when.
I also felt alone with anxiety. As mentioned, I know that's not true now. More of my friends, people on the internet, strangers writing blogs, have started opening up about battling with anxiety. This is the same with all mental health illnesses. No matter what you're battling, you're never alone.
If you want to speak to someone at uni, you can always contact Warwick's well-being support services: https://warwick.ac.uk/services/wss/students/support/ or Warwick nightline: https://warwick.nightline.ac.uk/
You can also speak externally to someone through http://mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/ and many more charities who are always there to listen to you and help you.
Try not to let anxiety cloud your uni experience. It will impact it, but it doesn't always have to be negatively. That being said, if it doesn't go to plan immediately, there are always people who want to help you, and sometimes it's worth taking the plunge when your gut tells you it's right, and opening up to those you're closest to.
---- Mary Collingridge, Women's Officer
